Bitching: My anti-drug

(it's a girl thing)

Thursday, October 30, 2003

More stupid questions

I kid you not -- this is a real call I received today...

Caller: Can you tell me if any of your vets treat lobsters?
[Surely my ears are playing tricks on me]
Me: Did you say treat or eat?

Pink or blue?

I had my 3rd ultraound this afternoon, and Matt and I were thrilled to find out that we are having a GIRL! Of course, I already knew this though. The color change when I peed into a cup of Drano indicated a girl. The Chinese baby gender predictor indicated a girl. I've had many dreams that I gave birth to a baby girl. So it's a good thing that the ultrasound tech confirmed this, or I probably would have demanded a second opinion. Although, I'm sure I would have been happy with a boy. Over time.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

That thong, tha-thong, thong, thong

I got the Christmas edition of the Victoria's Secret catalog in the mail today. I don't really know if I think these are cute or not, but I do know they aren't very practical. At $120, I'm sure I wouldn't be wearing these under my scrubs.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for wearing sexy lingerie, but we all know that wearing something like this couldn't be comfortable. And for $88, I think this thong should come with a tube of chaffing cream.

Recipe of the week

This is for Kara, who suggested that I start a recipe blog. I'll try to post a new recipe or two every week.

I saw this prepared on one of the shows on Food Network a few weeks ago, and it made me drool. I'm gonna try it out this weekend.

The Ultimate Meatballs al Forno with Creamy Polenta

1/2 baguette, crust removed
1 1/4 cups milk
1 1/2 pounds ground beef sirloin
1 1/2 pounds ground pork
1/2 bunch fresh parsley
1/2 bunch basil
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil, plus extra for drizzling
4 eggs
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan
1/3 cup ground pinenuts
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 cup dried bread crumbs
1/2 pound chanterelle mushrooms
2 pints vine-ripened small tomatoes
1 medium ball fresh mozzarella
Creamy Polenta, recipe follows

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Break the baguette in pieces and soak in a bowl with milk for 10 minutes until the bread is soft. In a second bowl mix the beef and pork together. Twist up half the parsley and the basil into a little pile, roughly chop it and add to the meat. Add garlic and mix thoroughly with your hands. Squeeze the milk out of the bread and add it in small pieces. Add eggs, Parmesan, ground pinenuts, salt, and pepper and mix everything together thoroughly. Shape the meatballs into large patties then roll them in the bread crumbs.

In a large skillet heat the olive oil over medium high heat until it begins to smoke slightly. Fry the meatballs to seal the crust, flip them over so both sides are done. Transfer to a large baking dish.

Add a splash of oil to pan and fry the mushrooms on a low heat until they start to caramelize. Cut the tomatoes in 1/2 and hand-crush them into a separate bowl. Drizzle with olive oil. Add salt and a few cranks of fresh cracked pepper and mix. Add to the mushrooms. Let everything simmer together and reduce slightly for about 10 minutes. Pour the tomatoes and mushrooms over the meatballs. Shred the remaining basil and parsley and the mozzarella over it. Drizzle with olive oil and add a few cranks of pepper. Bake for 25 to 35 minutes.

Serve with Creamy Polenta.

Creamy Polenta:
1 quart chicken stock
1 1/2 cups finely ground cornmeal
1/4 cup heavy cream
1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan
3 tablespoons whole butter
Pinch sea salt

In a large saucepan bring the chicken stock to a slow simmer. Quickly whisk the cornmeal into the stock and lower the temperature to keep it from splattering. Stir in the cream, Parmesan, butter, and salt. Turn off the heat and keep in a warm place until the meatballs are ready.

Yield: 6 servings
Cooking Time: 15 minutes

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Stupid questions of the day

Some people shouldn't even be allowed to own a pet. I'm not referring to those people that are cruel or negligent to animals. I'm talking about the dumbasses that I encounter on a regular basis at the animal clinic where I work. Here are just a few of the mentally challenging questions I had to answer today:

Caller: What brand of dog food do you carry?
Me: Science Diet and Iams.
Caller: So does your clinic recommend Science Diet food?
[No dumbass, we just buy it every week and stock our shelves with it so we can show you what not to feed your dog.]
Me: Uh, yes.


Caller: My dog has been vomiting up blood for the past 4 days. Is this something he needs to see the doctor about, or is there something I can give him at home?
[Use common sense, fool! What the fuck do you think you can give him from your medicine cabinet that's gonna fix that shit? I'm calling the humane society on your stupid ass.]
Me: You need to bring him in immediately.


Caller: A friend told me that your facility does pet cremations. Is that correct?
Me: Yes, ma'am.
Caller: My cat died last night. How much does it cost to cremate a cat?
Me: $175.
Caller: Here's the problem... I live over an hour from your clinic, and it's gonna be a real inconvenience for me to bring my cat to you. Would it be okay if I mailed him to you?
[Are you so overcome with grief that you've absolutely lost your mind? I don't think that's even legal!]
Me: No ma'am. That's not a good idea. What if the package got lost or damaged?
Caller: So what do I do if I can't get him to you?
[Have you got a grill?]
Me: I guess bury him in the backyard. I'm sorry.

I get numerous calls like these every week. I'll keep you updated.

Sorry, Mom, this ain't 'Little House on the Prairie'

Now that the mushy crap is out of the way, it's time to commence with the bitching.

Last night I was discussing wedding plans with my mom. I was talking about wedding gowns and how I haven't really found one yet (by the time Matt and I get married, I will be around 5 months pregnant... but that's another story). Dear old Mom says to me, "I hope you're not thinking of wearing a white dress." I love this woman, and I know she means well, but it was pretty damn hard to contain my anger at that comment. Granted, this is my second marriage, and yes, I will be a pregnant bride, but that doesn't make me the town tramp.

Ya know, I don't give a fuck about tradition at this point. If I want to walk down the aisle in a bikini with Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back" playing in the background, then I will do just that! After all, who really gives a shit?

How many girls do you know that were really virgins on their wedding day, anyway?!?!? Get over it, Mom.

Before you die, you see the ring

This is now my second attempt at starting a blog. Although I'm not really that interested, I agreed to give it a try so that Matt would get off of my ass.

I am now "officially" engaged. Check out the fat diamond on the right! It's much prettier in real life -- my craphole digital camera doesn't do it justice. It's one carat set in platinum, made sometime during the 1930s.

It's about time we were engaged, since we are getting married next month. Matt gave me the ring Saturday night. It was a very romantic moment, even though I was wearing a hideous green wig and a witch's hat at the time. We were getting ready to go to a costume party, and before we walked out the door he told me he had something to go with my witch costume. When he handed me the ring it was so hard to avoid crying, but I didn't want to mess up my makeup. That may sound really lame, but it takes a lot of work to get that witch face just right!